The Wanderer

Today was a tough day. A few different variables factored into this though. The most prevalent, and by far the most out of my control, was that a blizzard was making its way through Chicago this weekend, bringing a few inches of snow along with it. Now I recently moved from downtown Chicago to a more residential part of the city, which brought a vastly different lifestyle. I used to live in an apartment building with a gym on the 6th floor, so on cold days like today I could get a decent workout without leaving the comfort of my building. But now my gym is a 7 minute walk from my apartment, reducing my motivation to go and get a workout to near zero.

Saturdays are usually a day I dedicate to seeing friends and exploring the city, taking the little time I have to make the most of city living. Today, with the weather and the fact that my friends were all busy, I decided to chill and stay at home. I got brunch with my girlfriend in the morning, the windchill cutting through our jackets as we walked around the neighborhood trying out new restaurants and coffee shops. It was a great time, as days with my girlfriend always are. After that she went back to her apartment to spend time with friends and I came back to mine to do the same. After a few hours of chilling with the boys, playing video games and watching how I met your mother for the hundredth time, my friends left to go to a party. I decided to stay in, mainly because I wasn’t drinking and I wanted to workout. Between my friends and my girlfriend I didn’t get a chance to workout, and I wasn’t planning on missing any workouts today.

My friends left around 8:30 for the party, and I made my way to the gym. My friend dropped me off to the gym thank god so I came in with the mindset that I’ll spend as much time as possible here. I spent about 30 minutes warming up on the treadmill with some incline walking before doing a 45 minute chest day. My chest day varies depending on my mood, and today I felt like going heavy on the bench press.

I started with some warmup reps with just the bar before doing 8 reps of 135 to start us off. That felt light so I went up to 185 for 5, which again felt light. I added 10 pound plates on each side and hit 3 reps of 205. At this point the music was flowing, the few motivated people in the gym had left and it was just me. I put 5 more pounds on each side and hit 2 more reps of 215. As I stared down at the 45 pound plates on the rack, Mona Lisa by Lil Wayne playing loudly on my over ear headphones, I debated maxing again. The last time I put up 225 I failed it, and if that happened again I wouldn’t want to be alone. My blood pumping, a part of me knew I could do it, but to be safe I kept the weight at 215.

After that last set I tapered down, first removing the 5 pound plates, repping 2 more of 205, then removing the 10 pound plates for 3 more, and then finally the 25 pound weights for 10 more reps. My chest was on fire after this, a sense of drive and accomplishment fueling the rest of my workout. I hit shoulders and then triceps to end the workout, before stretching for 10 minutes to end, the walk back looming in the near future.

On days like this I find myself thinking about purpose. Voices of doubt fill my head, telling me to stay in my apartment, watch tv and go to sleep, to save the gym or even this challenge for when the days are longer and warmer. But I think the purpose of doing anything is to further yourself. There’s a quote from How I Met Your Mother, one of my favorite shows, that goes “If you’re not scared you’re not taking a chance. And if you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing?” I think about this quote a lot. In the show Ted says this before chasing a girl he liked that episode, but I think it can apply to anything really. Writing, working out, doing anything can scare me sometimes. Voices of doubt fill my head telling me I can’t do it, that I’ll fail and I’ll embarrass myself, or worse, the people I care about. But that fear just means I’m putting myself out there, taking a chance that someone will care, that I’m moving in the right direction. Days like this make me think about drive, the reason we challenge ourselves, the purpose of self fulfillment. I came back to my apartment, my face numb from the cold, with a sense of accomplishment, a drive to keep doing more, that beautiful lasting feeling when you do something difficult and succeed. That feeling is why I work out, why I write, why I live. To look back and see the great things that I did, but also the good things, the happy moments, the time I walked a half a mile through a blizzard just to go to the gym.