The Wanderer

The wanderer above the sea of fog – Caspar David Friedrich

A few months ago I was listening to a podcast by David Larbi on his experiences with 75 hard. For those who haven’t heard of 75 hard, it’s a fitness challenge where you stick to a specific routine for 75 days straight. For most, this includes the following:

1. Workout twice a day for 45 minutes each
2. Stick to a specific diet with no cheat days
3. Drink a gallon of water
4. Read 10 minutes of a non fiction book
5. Take a picture of yourself every day
6. No Alcohol
7. If any of these rules are broken, you start from Day 1

The podcast talked about Larbi’s personal experiences with this endeavor, the struggles and the progress, but mainly his emotional and spiritual takeaways. Larbi dives deep into the thought that his word is his bond.

That phrase really resonated with me. At that moment of time I felt out of control, like my decisions weren’t really mine. I felt at the mercy of the exterior world, working long hours, traveling on the road for months on end, all alone with a sole focus on making it through the work week. My mental health at an all time low, I did what I needed to do to make it through the rough times. For me I go into this almost trance like state of mind, which I call “autopilot.” I’d go to work, do what I need to, and then rot away in my hotel room until the next morning. I was doing the bare minimum at work and it was showing.

One night as I checked into my hotel, the familiar sense of Deja vu as I walk into a room I’ve never stayed in, I found David Larbi’s podcast and put it on. As I shuffle absent mindedly through the room unpacking my bag and beginning to wind down, I hear Larbi begin to talk about how important his own word is. He says that every day during the past 75 days, he would tell himself he wants this, that with every challenge, every workout, all those days when he doesn’t want to keep going, he tell himself that he’s doing this for him, no one else. I stop in my tracks, my mental fog lifting as his words flow throughout the room. A sense of clarity coursing through my veins as I understand the true meaning of his dogma.

If I wanted to make a change in my life, which I desperately needed, I needed to do it for myself and only for myself. No one in life will force me to be better. My friends and family might support me and my journey, but no one will make it happen but me. At the end of the day, it’s just me out here, and if I won’t listen to myself who would I listen to?

My word is my bond.

That night I formulated my plan. I knew I wanted to get better, be healthier, and be more present. I made a spreadsheet to document my progress, set rules for myself for the next 75 days, and swore on my word that I will follow them. I knew the journey was going to difficult, that it will take all my effort for the next few months, that my life was changing completely. And I was ready for it.